50 Alexander St., Toronto, Ontario

Born Out of Sheer Genius

Ah yes, 50 Alexander Street. Where it all began.

In late March 2007, Ben and I signed up for the World Wildlife Fund CN Tower Climb, which was to occur some four weeks later. It quickly dawned on us that we didn’t have a clue in hell as to what it’s like to climb a tower of the CN’s grandeur. This 553 m behemoth, equipped with the title of the world’s tallest free-standing structure since 1976, seemed daunting. Indeed, this ginormous wang of southwestern Ontario contains 181 floors of stairs.

How doest thou tackle such an edifice? Well, neither Ben nor I wanted to experience cardiac arrest during our ascent, so we naturally felt that a few days of practice were in order. 50 Alexander Street, my residence at the time, presented such an opportunity. We felt that this 30-storey downtown skyscraper, affectionately anointed ‘The Vaseline Tower’ by Toronto’s gay community, would provide adequate fodder for honing of our tower-traversing skills.

A couple weeks before the CN Tower Climb, there we found ourselves, in the fumy P2 level of 50 Alex, ready to run the 30-storey battery of stairs. We proceeded to stair-climb in ever-increasing quantities, beginning with a breathy four-time walk (120 storeys) and ending with a downright nimble six-over salute (180 storeys).

Our climb times decreased precipitously over our three or four training sessions, and our training paid off. Even with only two weeks dedicated to the art of giant-phallis-of-capitalism hiking, we really found our stride! In fact, our team managed to place 30^th out of 327 teams, and I personally clocked in at 15:53 – 145 out of 1780 climbers. We even raised well over $2,000 for WWF’s global warming combat. Not too shabby.

And so the idea was borne. In those murky, pale-yellow stairwells of 50 Alex, Ben and I passionately envisioned, through a series of gasps for air, a world-wide tower-climbing frenzy. We felt that posting our climbing adventures on the Internets, and donating the proceeds to charity, might convince tower-keepers around the world to let us climb for free. Or at least humour our scheme with a photo.

The evangelist Vance Houston Havner remarked, “The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.”

Well played, Vance. Well played.

And now, Ben and I thrust ourselves headlong into an extravaganza of ascension.